


Impressions in my mind

by Karina



Category: The Usual Suspects (1995)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-26
Updated: 2010-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-10 19:42:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/103570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Karina/pseuds/Karina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From Verbal [Keyser's] point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Impressions in my mind

I'm cold blooded, or so they say. Some sort of psycho butcher, as another might have said. But can someone truly be cold blooded? Wouldn't one have to understand how to be sociable to fool the world that one is not cold blooded? What if you thought you were cold blooded, but you really weren't?

I nearly slipped up about him. I got caught up in playing the role of the submissive and meek cripple that I almost forgot about Edie. I cannot and I do not regret killing him, because sometimes to kill the one you love is the only way out of a situation. I must admit this is the first time I've ever felt this way; not to mention, towards another man.

Surely, I've been good at fooling the world, but this was the first time I've truly felt like this. Perhaps my true feelings made it easier for me that time to pretend that I was meek, no-good cripple with a knack for planning jobs.

The experience has proved to me numerous things; one is that even I have the capacity to love another person, and another is that I can use this experience to remember what ordinary people feel like when they're in love.

Sometimes when I walk the street, I'd see some handsome rugged guy with a similar hairstyle---yet, I know that it's not Keaton. Depending on my mood, it either makes my heart sting, or it makes me feel nostalgic.

But I have to continue on, because I can't turn my back on my life. I admit that Keaton was powerful enough to make me ponder about my ability to love and be loved, yet even he wasn't powerful enough to make me go straight. I suppose we're even though; I prevented him from going straight again, and he couldn't turn me straight.

What memories linger within me the most, then? The moment when he slammed me against the wall at Edie's place, and our eyes met. Or when we met each other back at the county jail. Maybe the moment when he told me to take the money and run; he was protecting me, after all. Or when he introduced me to the other guys when we were in the holding cell; he never called me a 'gimp', you know. Or the time we spent in LA; we had quite fun vacationing there.

If he had thought about possibly dying by my side, then he got his wish. I'll never forget his last words, though. Everything about him is etched in my own mind.

Keaton…you will never forgive me for killing you. But I did what I had to do. You got your wish as well, since you seemed so attached to me.  
On the other hand, it benefits me because I know I will never be as obsessed about any of my victims ever again.

I don't believe in the afterlife, but if there was one, maybe we'll be reunited after I die.  
Heaven or hell, it doesn't matter.  
What does matter is, you were the first to leave such an impression on me.  
I shall forever carry your image in my mind as I carry on with my life.

 

** _   
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End file.
